Monday, April 16, 2012

Emotions

Had a private emotional weekend! Landon was very cranky and just acting out of his norm, super fussy, super pissy and wanted to throw everything he got his hands on, needless to say I was insanely happy for him to take an hour and half long nap. I surprised myself and kept extremely calm (those who know me well know this was a challenge ha) and didn’t flip out on him. *applause applause*


I got SOME housework done; the back pain doesn’t allow me to stand for very long doing chores. I truly do not like this at all and would love to wash the dishes and it only take 20 mins vs and hour! Did some homework (I am insane to be in school), watched season finale of Psych again (oh my word Season 7 come on!) and rearranged our kitchen cabinets (still can’t remember when I open a door).

After his nap he was full force angry boy again – I was really praying he would be calmer after a nap! Aunt Jayme came over and we all went to get a double stroller (another reality check that in a few months another little Abbott will be among us!) and then to a furniture store for Jay, where Landon decided he needed to try out EVERY SINGLE COUCH.

He cat napped in the car – whew. But once home he was a little firecracker again. That night after I struggled to get him to bed (we will do this whole BIG BOY BED thing again when Daddy is home to help me ha) I opened up FB and read a friends status about a friend of theirs who lost their 2 year old child that evening.

I shut the computer and burst out crying. How my heart ached and felt shattered for that family. I cannot fathom …

While I was calm with all his craziness this weekend I still found myself getting so upset with him for acting out and WHY couldn’t he just calm down! I cried even harder thinking how quiet my house would be if he wasn’t around to do those crazy things!! I do get flustered, I do get upset, I do tell him to BE QUIET AND SIT DOWN, I do want to drink 15 glasses of sangria sometimes and I do love him with all my heart. I’ve heard and read blogs where mom’s totally and shamefully criticizes other mother’s for telling their kids to be quiet or cannot believe they get upset with their child. I’ve also heard and read blogs about precious children with special needs and how their mother’s stress to other mothers who children do not have special needs that they would think differently about how they speak to their child or get upset with their child IF their child couldn’t do those actions that causes a mother to get upset.

While I cannot understand life with a child with special needs or life with a child that doesn’t misbehave --- I CAN HOLD MY CHILD AND SO CAN YOU! I emailed that mother that is a friend of a friend and just told her that although we didn’t know each other I had to tell her how much my heart ached and that I would be praying for her. I can’t even being to imagine waking up tomorrow and Landon not yelling at me for more milk then throwing himself in the floor because I’m not moving fast enough for him!

This is a jumble of what I was feeling and still feel this morning. If I feel the need to tell Landon to be quiet, sit down and don’t move OR get on to him for climbing up and over the couch OR get upset because he just dumped an entire cup of milk on my freshly steamed cleaned carpet … I will not feel bad about this and I will still love him and he will know that love.